i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
