I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
