nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
