first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
