so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
