Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
