please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
