i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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