How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
