The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
