i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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