I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
