I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
