I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
