your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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