I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
