I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
