True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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