how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
