she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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