the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
COCAINE IS GR8
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
