Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just made my gag reflex go away.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
