textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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