I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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