I think I died a long time ago.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
