Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
