Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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