Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize