Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
