foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
All the doctor said was why
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
