ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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