i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
