then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
