You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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