I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
