I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
