Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
