I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
