You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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