im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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