When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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