trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
