i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
