she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
