you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
