Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
