we have pet lesbian snakes
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize