Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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