the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
