you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
