Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
