People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
