I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
