Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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