It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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