Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
