Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Shame - the story of my life.
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