Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
