the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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