2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
