im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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