He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
