He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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