Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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