I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
