i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize