Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
