Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
