swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
