My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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