1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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