Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
