Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
