I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
