If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
