My balls are so social today.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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