I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you had me at cake vodka
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
