i was born a porn star she said
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We are two peas in an std pod
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
