the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
