Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
