Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
