i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
