you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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