apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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