my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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