no, he came in my armpit
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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