im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
