Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
