Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
No...this little piggys going to the bar
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize