When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
