if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
