I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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