do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize