some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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