I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
