Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Boobs are out for the taking
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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