I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
