It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
