well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
