Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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