I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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