As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
